I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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