my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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