finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
