im having a threesome with these popsicles
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
