dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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