Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
