he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
