I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
