I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
