cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
