I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
