Too much gin, very little bucket
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
