So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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