It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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