none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
