I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
