Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My hand turned me down
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
