when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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