i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
