worst night to have a conscience
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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