I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
