I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
