just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
