all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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