Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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