she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
