You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
