Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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