Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
