I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
