Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
