mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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