The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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