You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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