I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
