I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
