I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
