i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
