She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
