I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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