Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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