she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
