was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
