omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
