i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
