Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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