also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
