Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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