I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
