he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
