I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
