oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
