i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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