I got chris browned last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
