O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
