Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
