may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
