Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
