3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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