She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
