Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
