somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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