The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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