At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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