just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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