The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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