i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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