I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
