I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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