Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
