she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do herpes really smell.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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