I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The struggles of a small town man whore
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