How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
