Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
