He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i love accidental penises.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
