party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
