So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
