I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
