i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
