You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
