the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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