Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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