You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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