I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
