So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
