not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
