I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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